i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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