College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
