My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
