its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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