He disabled his match.com account in front of me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
