I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
