So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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