Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
