i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
