I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
