Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
