it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
