Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
