she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize