my phone cant type all the emotion im having
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
