I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
