If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
