You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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