I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
