You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
