I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All the doctor said was why
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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