May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
