My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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