So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
