He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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