Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
