i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
