my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
