apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Randomize