My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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