Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
