you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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