When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
