Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
