The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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