i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
