at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
