toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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