I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
