He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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