Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
