when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
