Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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