hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
