Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
