No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
