Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am naked and annoyed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
