I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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