I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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