mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
