Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
