i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
