Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
