Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
