My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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