I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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