My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
