I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
