remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
