The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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