if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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