My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
