So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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