opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I love having hate sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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