so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Holy sore nipples Batman
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
