I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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