how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
