Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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