he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
