I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
FUCK WHALES
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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