i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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