is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
