my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
