It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
