I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
