She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
