She announced her abortion via fbk
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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