So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
