the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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