i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
