It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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