the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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