My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
