I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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