Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
