I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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