I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
