it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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