i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
