I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
