A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
