THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
