i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
