You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
