the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
