i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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