I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
