If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
