He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
