My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
