who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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