no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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