I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
