Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
