He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
