My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
