If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
