If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
