I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
