I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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