Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
