The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
