from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
